frustration

I am so horrible at updating my blog. It has been a very frustrating 6 months. Ethan has constantly been sick since January. I have switched doctors and we are trying to get to the bottom of all of this. Ethan has been hospitalized 3 times with Pneumonia. He has had several bouts ot bronchiolitis, bronchitis, sinus infections, colds and strep throat. Currently we are trying to take care of the Pneumonia. He was diagnosed with pneumonia for the sixth time on June 10, 2009. His new doctor is the only one who ever ordered a follow up x-ray to make sure that the pneumonia actually went away. We went on vacation to Myrtle Beach and while we were there Ethan developed a high fever and would not eat and was so crabby. He had huge sores on his mouth. I actually got angry with him. I know he can't help it. It turns out he got Herpangina. He has sores in his mouth and throat which is why he wouldn't eat. I feel horrible for getting mad at him. Since he caught the virus it of course brought out the pneumonia symptoms. He had his follow up x-ray yesterday and no suprise there the pneumonia was not gone. So now instead of him having pneumonia 6 times it probably was there the whole time. I am so worried that his lungs are going to be scarred. Now we are looking into reflux. The doctor put him on zantac twice a day to reduce the acid. I had to take him this morning to get a TB test to rule out tuberculosis. He has already seen an ENT and Thursday he sees the pediatric pulmonologist. I am just beside myself. I am so tired of dealing with doctors and I want my little boy to be healthy and strong. I want him to have a normal life and not have to deal with medicine and breathing treatments and fevers. I love him so much that it hurts. I hate to see him sick. I hate it even more that I get frustrated with him. I want to know when this will end. When will my little boy be healthy? How can people have 8 kids or 18 kids and every one of them have the correct number of chromosomes. I somehow feel like it is all my fault. I do everything I can to prevent him from getting sick and yet it still happens. I am so thankful for that little boy and he has opened my eyes to a whole new world. One that I never knew I wanted to be part of until I had Ethan. Please don't leave any negative comments. I am not looking for sympathy. I just needed to get things off my chest and this post only refelcts how I am feeling at the moment. I will try to keep this updated more often.